Love at Work: HR Tips for the Good, the Bad, and the Complicated

Brittney Simpson
1 day ago
10 min read

People fall in love at work.

They always have. They always will.

You can make the rules as strict as you want. You can label your workplace a "romance-free zone." You can keep telling everyone to stay professional.

But people will still catch feelings for coworkers. Spending more than 40 hours a week together, working toward the same goals and seeing each other in every situation, makes this normal.

Here’s what most HR people won’t tell you: the real question isn’t whether workplace relationships will happen, but how you’ll deal with them when they do.

If you’re a founder or small business owner, you probably don’t have a legal team, an HR department, or clear rules for what to do when two team members start dating.

Or even tougher, when they break up.

Let’s talk this through, because waiting until it’s a problem isn’t a real plan.

Why this matters more in small businesses

In a company with 500 people, a workplace relationship is barely noticed. If two people in different departments start dating, it hardly matters.

But in a company of 15, it’s a big deal.

Everyone knows about it. Everyone has thoughts. The team dynamic changes. And if things go wrong, there’s no way to avoid it.

You can’t move someone to another office. You can’t shuffle teams to keep people apart. You can’t ignore it when everyone eats lunch in the same room.

Small businesses are naturally close-knit. That means workplace relationships can have a big impact, both good and bad. I’ve seen some turn into marriages, partnerships, and strong professional collaborations. People met at work, fell in love, and built their lives together while building the business.

I’ve also seen relationships fall apart and damage the whole company culture. Drama spread to every team meeting. Breakups made people pick sides. Sometimes, people left on bad terms and left big gaps in the organization.

The difference between these outcomes isn’t whether the relationship happened, but how it was handled by both the couple and the leaders.

The good: When workplace relationships work

Let’s be clear: not all workplace relationships are disasters waiting to happen.

Sometimes, they're actually great.

Two people who care about each other, respect each other at work, and keep their personal relationship separate can be a real asset. They’re invested in the company’s success, understand the work, and are often your most loyal employees because their lives are tied to the business.

I know founders who met their spouses at work. I’ve seen business partners start as colleagues and become romantic partners without it hurting their work. I’ve also seen teams where several people are dating or married, and it works out fine.

Here's what makes those situations work:

They keep professional boundaries. They don’t bring relationship drama to work. They avoid making coworkers uncomfortable with too much affection. They don’t let personal disagreements affect the team.

They’re open about the relationship. They’re not hiding it. Leadership knows. The team knows. There’s no secret that everyone is ignoring.

They can disagree at work without making it personal. They don’t always take the same side in meetings just because they’re dating. They can have different opinions about a project and stand by them without hurting their relationship.

They have a plan for what happens if things end. They’ve thought about whether they can still work together or if one should leave. They’re realistic that not all relationships last forever.

When workplace relationships meet these standards, they’re not a problem. They’re just part of the team.

But if they don’t, that’s when problems begin.

The bad: When it all goes sideways

Here’s what happens when workplace relationships go wrong:

It might look like a couple arguing in the parking lot before a client meeting. Or passive-aggressive Slack messages everyone can see. Maybe a team member refuses to work with their ex’s new partner. Or productivity drops because someone is too upset to focus.

Sometimes, one person claims the relationship wasn’t consensual, accuses the other of favoritism, or quits and files a lawsuit.

This isn’t just theory. I’ve seen all of this happen in small businesses where founders thought saying "we’re all adults" was enough to handle relationships.

The bad scenarios share common patterns:

The relationship was kept secret. People usually hide workplace relationships because they know there’s a problem, like a power issue, fear of judgment, or a conflict with company values. And secrets always come out, often at the worst time.

There’s a power imbalance. A manager dating a direct report, a founder dating an employee, or a senior leader dating someone junior. These relationships are complicated because consent is unclear when one person controls the other’s paycheck, performance review, or career path.

Professional boundaries disappeared. They started making decisions based on the relationship, not what’s best for the business. They gave special treatment and let personal issues affect their judgment at work.

There was no plan for what would happen if things ended. When the relationship ended, they expected the company to handle their feelings. They wanted others to take sides and made their breakup everyone else’s problem.

If you’re a founder, your job isn’t to stop workplace relationships. Your job is to prevent these kinds of problems.

The complicated: Power dynamics and consent

This is where things get legally and ethically tricky: not all workplace relationships are the same.

Two peers dating is one thing.

A manager dating their direct report is something else entirely.

The difference comes down to power.

When there’s a power imbalance, like when one person controls the other’s job, pay, or career growth, the relationship can’t be fully consensual. Even if both people have real feelings, the power difference creates pressure.

Think about it. If your boss asks you out, can you really say no without worrying about your job? If you’re dating your manager and get a raise, will people think it’s because of the relationship, not your work? If things end badly, can you trust you’ll still be treated fairly?

These aren’t just hypothetical concerns. They’re real legal and ethical problems that put your business at risk.

So here’s my clear rule for founders: managers should not date their direct reports. That’s the rule.

It’s not about “it’s complicated,” or “but they really love each other,” or “we’ll just be careful.”

No.

If two people on your team want to date and one manages the other, something must change. Either the reporting relationship changes, or the romantic relationship doesn’t happen. Those are the only two options that protect everyone.

If you’re the founder dating an employee, you need to be even more careful. You have the most power in the business. Every decision you make about that person’s job will be watched—every promotion, every raise, every asI’m not saying it can’t work. But you need to be very careful about how you handle it. Be fully transparent, keep clear records, and talk to a lawyer about how to protect both yourself and the employee from claims of favoritism or pressure. a lawsuit.

What you actually need: A policy (but not the one you think)

Most small businesses handle workplace relationships one of two ways:

They have no policy and hope it doesn't become an issue
They ban relationships entirely and pretend that'll work

Neither of these approaches really works.

What you actually need is a simple, clear disclosure policy.

Here's what that looks like:

Employees must tell leadership if they’re in a romantic relationship with a coworker. This isn’t for approval, just for transparency. That way, you’re not caught off guard and can address any conflicts of interest early.

Managers cannot date Managers can’t date direct reports unless the reporting structure changes. This is non-negotiable. If the relationship is serious, reorganize. If it’s not serious enough to make that change, it’s not worth risking the business.expected regardless of personal relationships. No public displays of affection that make others uncomfortable. No relationship drama in team settings. No letting personal issues affect work quality.

If the relationship ends, both people must stay professional or one must leave. You can’t make your breakup the team’s problem. If you can’t work together, someone has to go.

That’s it. You’re not controlling people’s personal lives. You’re just setting clear expectations about disclosure and professionalism to protect the business and the team.

Most people will appreciate having clear rules. Usually, the only ones who object to disclosure are those in relationships that could be a problem.

How to handle it when you find out

Okay, so two people on your team are dating. Now what?

First, don’t panic. DFirst, don’t panic. Don’t judge. Don’t make things awkward.instead:

Have a direct conversation with both people, separately at first. Say, "I'm aware you two are in a relationship. I'm not here to judge, but I need to make sure it’s not causing conflicts of interest or affecting the team. Let’s talk about how we’ll handle this professionally."

Check the power dynamics. Are they peers? Is one more senior? Does one have any authority over the other’s work, even informally? If there’s a power imbalance, deal with it right away.

Set clear expectations. Remind them of your professionalism policy. Make sure they know what’s acceptable and what’s not. Get their agreement.

Write down what was discussed. This isn’t to punish anyone, but to protect everyone. If there’s a problem later, you’ll have a record that you addressed it early.

Keep an eye on the situation, but don’t be intrusive. Is the relationship affecting the team? Is work quality dropping? Is anyone uncomfortable?

And most importantly, treat this as a business issue, not a moral one. not their parent. You're not their relationship counselor. You're their employer, and your job is to make sure their personal relationship doesn't negatively impact the business or the team.

Stay in that lane.

Sometimes, despite everyone’s best intentions, a workplace relationship just can’t work out.

Maybe the relationship is hurting work quality. The team feels uncomfortable. Drama is spilling into work. Or the relationship ended and one or both people can’t move onWhen that happens, you have to make a decision. It’s usually one of these:ally one of these:

Reorganize to reduce interaction. If possible, move people to different teams or projects so they don’t work together directly.

Ask one person to leave. This is the last resort, but sometimes it’s needed—especially if there was a power dynamic that shouldn’t have existed.

Let both people go if the situation is toxic. If both are creating a hostile or dysfunctional environment and can’t move on, sometimes starting fresh is best for everyone.

These decisions are hard. There’s no way around that.

But here’s what you can’t do: you can’t let one relationship damage your whole business. You can’t risk team morale, productivity, or culture because two people can’t keep their personal issues out of work.

Your responsibility is to the business and to the employees who aren’t part of the drama.

Make your decisions with that in mind.

The conversation nobody wants to have: Harassment vs. Romance

We need to talk about the difference between a workplace relationship and workplace harassment.

They’re not the same thing, and confusing them causes real problems.

A workplace relationship: Two people who are mutually interested in each other, pursue that interest consensually, and handle the relationship like adults.

Workplace harassment: Unwanted romantic or sexual attention. Pressure to date or engage in romantic/sexual behavior. Quid pro quo situations where career advancement is tied to romantic compliance. Creating a hostile environment through repeated unwanted advances.

The difference is consent. Enthusiastic, ongoing, freely given consent.

But here’s where it gets tricky at work: power dynamics make consent complicated.

If your boss asks you on a date, even if they don’t threaten your job, the power imbalance means you might say yes out of fear, not interest. That’s why manager and direct report relationships are risky—not because romance is bad, but because consent isn’t clear.

As a leader, you As a leader, you need to pay close attention to this difference. You also need to create a culture where:e reporting unwanted advances. Without fear of retaliation or being told they're overreacting.

The first "no" is respected. If someone declines a date, that's the end of it. No persistence. No trying again later. No making it awkward.

You investigate concerns seriously. Even if you don't think there's anything to it. Even if you like the person being accused. Even if it's inconvenient.

Here’s the reality: if you ignore harassment concerns or call them "relationship drama," you’re not just letting down the person being harassed. You’re also putting your business at serious legal risk. Take every complaint seriously. Document everything. Investigate quickly. And if you’re unsure, get professional help.

What your team needs from you

Your employees don't need you to police their love lives.

But they do need you to create an environment where:

Professionalism is non-negotiable. Regardless of personal relationships, everyone is expected to do their job, treat colleagues with respect, and keep personal drama out of work.

Power dynamics are taken seriously. People in positions of authority don't get to use that authority to pursue romantic relationships with people they supervise.

Problems are addressed directly. When relationships start affecting the team, leadership steps in quickly and clearly instead of hoping it resolves itself.

Harassment is not tolerated. Period. No matter who the harasser is or how valuable they are to the business.

You don’t need a long policy. You just need to set clear expectations and enforce them every time. Honestly, most workplace relationships won’t become a problem if you hire responsible people, set clear boundaries, and deal with issues as soon as they come up.

The bottom line

Love at work happens. It will happen in your business, if it hasn’t already.

Your job isn’t to stop it. Your job is to manage it so it doesn’t hurt your team or your business.

That means:

Clear disclosure expectations
Firm boundaries around power dynamics
Swift action when professionalism slips
Zero tolerance for harassment
Adults treating each other like adults

Most workplace relationships will be fine. Some will be great. A few will be disasters.

Your job is to spot the difference and act accordingly.

Not as a moral authority or a relationship counselor, but as a leader who’s responsible for protecting the business and everyone in it.

Handle it honestly, directly, and early—just like you do with everything else in your business.

And maybe you’ll avoid the worst drama and keep the best part of workplace relationships: committed employees who care about each other and the work.

That's the goal anyway.

Good luck. You may need it.

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