How To Have Hard Conversations About Performance

Every leader has that one team member. The one whose performance has been slipping for months. The one who used to be reliable but now misses deadlines, delivers subpar work, or seems disengaged. The one you keep meaning to talk to, but somehow never find the right time or words.

You tell yourself you'll address it next week. After the big project. When things slow down. But weeks turn into months, and the problem doesn't resolve itself. Meanwhile, other team members notice. Standards start to slip. And what could have been a straightforward conversation becomes a much bigger issue.

The truth is, avoiding performance conversations doesn't make them go away. It makes them harder, more emotional, and more damaging to both the individual and the team.

Why Performance Conversations Feel So Hard

Performance conversations trigger several natural human fears that make even experienced leaders uncomfortable:

• Fear of Conflict: Most people want to be liked and avoid creating tension. Performance conversations can feel confrontational, even when they're necessary and constructive.

• Fear of Emotional Reactions: You might worry about how the person will respond. Will they get defensive? Will they cry? Will they shut down completely?

• Fear of Making Things Worse: Sometimes it feels like addressing the issue might damage your relationship with the person or create additional problems.

• Fear of Not Having the Right Words: You might worry about saying something wrong, being too harsh, or not explaining the issues clearly enough.

• Fear of Legal Implications: Concerns about documentation, HR policies, and potential legal issues can make leaders hesitant to address performance directly.

While these fears are understandable, allowing them to prevent necessary conversations creates far bigger problems than the conversations themselves.

The Real Cost of Avoidance

When you delay performance conversations, several negative consequences typically unfold:

The Problem Escalates: Small issues become bigger problems. What might have been addressed with simple feedback becomes a formal performance improvement plan or termination discussion.

Team Morale Suffers: High-performing team members notice when poor performance goes unaddressed. They begin to question whether their extra effort matters and may reduce their own engagement.

Standards Erode: When some team members aren't held accountable, overall standards decline. Other employees may unconsciously lower their performance to match the unaddressed poor performer.

Trust Decreases: Team members lose confidence in leadership when they see problems ignored. They begin to wonder if you're paying attention or if you care about quality work.

The Individual Suffers: The person with performance issues doesn't get the feedback they need to improve. They may be unaware of the problems or unclear about expectations.

Preparing for the Conversation

Successful performance conversations require thoughtful preparation. Here's how to set yourself up for success:

Document Specific Examples

Before having the conversation, gather concrete examples of the performance issues. Avoid vague statements like "your work quality has declined." Instead, prepare specific instances: "The client report submitted on Tuesday contained three factual errors and was missing the executive summary section."

Focus on Behaviors, Not Personality

Frame the conversation around observable behaviors and measurable outcomes rather than personality traits or character judgments. Say "I've noticed that the last three project deadlines were missed" rather than "you're not reliable anymore."

Clarify Your Expectations

Be prepared to articulate clearly what success looks like in their role. If expectations have changed or evolved, acknowledge that and explain the new standards.

Choose the Right Setting

Schedule the conversation in a private space where you won't be interrupted. Allow adequate time for discussion and questions. Don't squeeze this into a brief hallway conversation or a rushed meeting.

The Framework for Effective Performance Conversations

Use this structured approach to ensure your performance conversations are productive and supportive:

1. Open with Care and Context

Start the conversation by establishing that you care about the person's success and want to help them improve. Explain the purpose of the conversation clearly.

"I wanted to talk with you because I care about your success here and I've noticed some areas where I think we can work together to improve your performance."

2. Present Specific Observations

Share the specific examples you've documented, focusing on facts rather than interpretations. Be direct but not harsh.

"Over the past month, I've noticed that three project deadlines were missed, and the client feedback on the Morrison proposal indicated several areas that didn't meet their requirements."

3. Ask for Their Perspective

Give the person an opportunity to share their viewpoint. There may be circumstances you're not aware of, or they may have different interpretations of the situations.

"I'd like to understand your perspective on these situations. What's been happening from your point of view?"

4. Collaborate on Solutions

Work together to identify specific steps for improvement. This isn't about punishment; it's about creating a path forward.

"What do you think would help you meet deadlines more consistently? What support do you need from me to deliver work that meets client expectations?"

5. Establish Clear Expectations and Timeline

Be specific about what needs to change, by when, and how progress will be measured. Make sure both of you understand the expectations.

"Going forward, I need all project deadlines to be met unless we've discussed an extension in advance. For client work, I'd like you to have a colleague review your proposals before submission. Let's check in weekly for the next month to see how things are going."

6. Offer Support and Resources

Identify what support, training, or resources might help the person improve. This demonstrates your commitment to their success.

"I can arrange for you to shadow Sarah on her next client proposal to see her process. Would additional project management training be helpful?"

7. Document the Conversation

After the conversation, send a brief email summarizing what was discussed, the agreed-upon action steps, and the timeline for improvement. This protects both you and the employee.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Several common mistakes can undermine even well-intentioned performance conversations:

• The Sandwich Approach: Starting and ending with praise while burying the real issue in the middle often confuses the message and minimizes the importance of the performance concerns.

• Being Too Vague: Statements like "you need to do better" or "your attitude needs to improve" don't give the person actionable information about what needs to change.

• Making It Personal: Avoid language that attacks the person's character or personality. Focus on specific behaviors and outcomes.

• Overwhelming with Too Many Issues: If there are multiple performance problems, prioritize the most important ones rather than creating a long list that feels overwhelming.

• Failing to Follow Up: Having the conversation is only the beginning. Regular check-ins are essential to ensure progress and provide ongoing support.

When Performance Doesn't Improve

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, performance doesn't improve after initial conversations. When this happens:

• Escalate Appropriately: Follow your organization's progressive discipline process. This might involve formal written warnings, performance improvement plans, or involving HR.

• Continue Documentation: Keep detailed records of all conversations, agreed-upon action steps, and outcomes.

• Remain Professional: Even when you're frustrated, maintain a professional demeanor and focus on the business impact of continued poor performance.

• Know When to Move On: Sometimes the best solution for everyone is to help the person find a role that better fits their skills and interests, either within the organization or elsewhere.

The Positive Impact of Direct Communication

When you have performance conversations with care, clarity, and consistency, several positive outcomes typically result:

• Problems Get Resolved Quickly: Early intervention prevents small issues from becoming major problems.

• Relationships Strengthen: Honest communication often improves relationships rather than damaging them.

• Team Performance Improves: When standards are maintained consistently, overall team performance increases.

• Trust Increases: Team members respect leaders who address issues directly and fairly.

• Individuals Grow: Many people genuinely want to improve and appreciate clear feedback that helps them succeed.

Building Your Confidence

Performance conversations become easier with practice. Start with less sensitive issues to build your confidence and refine your approach. Remember that having these conversations is part of your responsibility as a leader, not an optional activity.

Most importantly, remember that avoiding performance conversations isn't kind to anyone involved. The person with performance issues deserves clear feedback and the opportunity to improve. Your high-performing team members deserve to work in an environment where standards are maintained. And you deserve to lead a team that meets expectations and delivers quality work.

Moving Forward

Performance conversations are never enjoyable, but they're essential for maintaining a healthy, productive team. The key is to approach them with preparation, empathy, and a genuine desire to help people succeed.

Start by identifying any performance issues you've been avoiding. Schedule time to have these conversations within the next week. Remember that the longer you wait, the more difficult these conversations become.

Your willingness to have hard conversations when necessary is a sign of strong leadership. It shows that you care about your team's success and are committed to maintaining the standards that allow everyone to do their best work.

Make Performance Talks Easier

Book a free 15 minute Tough Talk Coaching Call with me. We will outline a simple script, set clear goals for the meeting, and add follow‑up steps that keep progress on track. Grab your slot now so your next performance conversation feels focused, fair, and stress‑free.

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